Easier

Mental Floss put out a list of their favorite words from the happiest words in the English language. I love this– lots of the words bring out good memories for me.

The top word, “easier,” makes me think about Luke.

Now don’t be like that. I don’t mean “easy” in a sex way. I mean it like Sunday morning. Luke was always easy like that.

And he was certainly “easier” in the sense that it was much easier to have a boyfriend who actually, you know, lived in my town after the weirdness of the long-distance thing with Shane.

Luke was definitely a people-pleaser. He wanted everyone to like him, and most people did. He was a pleasant guy, if a little goofy.

He was never cross with me, even if I snapped at him or said something mean. He agreed with me on every opinion I ever had. He would sometimes admit that he didn’t like someone, but only well out of earshot of that someone, and only if no one else in the room liked that someone either.

Getting toward the end of our long relationship (we dated for three years), this started to annoy me about him. I think, subconsciously, I was looking for a reason to justify breaking up with him, and he never would give me one, and it pissed me right off.

I couldn’t even pick a fight with the guy. He’d just back off and apologize.

In the end, Luke’s being “easier” made it way harder for me to break up with him. I hung on to the relationship probably nearly a year longer than I should have because he was a good guy. I knew he wasn’t the one for me, but I couldn’t make myself break the heart of a boy who had only ever been good and easy… until I did.

He made no secret of his devastation when I did the deed, but he still never got angry with me– just pitifully, woefully sad. I know the dumper always claims that her heart is breaking, too, and most of the time that’s bullshit, but when Luke and I broke up, my heart did break too, because I knew I’d dealt a blow to a boy who deserved more– someone easier than me.

I hope he’s still easy, and I hope his “easier” makes him think of someone, too– maybe just not me.

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